So here we are at Terror Con, the crew of Rhode Island Free Radio.org. Also in attendance: evil clowns, a couple of zombie Star Wars troopers, a killer car, a battered Jurassic Park jeep, and aisle upon crowded aisle of merchandise vendors, food vendors, artists, authors, and a bunch of ‘B’ movie and TV show celebrities not getting as much attention as they’d like for their 30 dollar autographs and 50 dollar photos. It does my heart good to see the clowns, dead stormtroopers, and a faux Batman and Wonder Woman getting more attention than the grizzled oldster who played Danny Torrance in The Shining once upon a time. (You remember, the kid with the stupid haircut that rode the Big Wheel and talked to his finger.) There’s also Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees), some folks from The Walking Dead, the Cenobites from Hellraiser(minus Doug Bradley), Adrienne Barbeau, a Freddy Krueger pinball machine (Our own Tony Jones has his eye on the pinball machine), and last but not least a table full of RI Free Radio stickers, pins, CD’s and candy that needs to either be given away or thrown away by 5 pm Sunday afternoon.
Saturday, 9 am. We dose ourselves every hour with caffeine and sugar. Our self- promoting outgoing natures do not manifest without help before 2 pm. My outgoing nature threatens not to manifest at all after a conversation with the owner of Christine, the car I mentioned at the top of the first paragraph. Sad to relate, I found the present owner to be just as obsessed with the evil auto as the kid in the King novel and Carpenter’s movie adaptation. Can’t sit behind the wheel, can’t lean on it, can’t touch it. Oh, well. Just a missed photo op for Tony Jones and me and the rest of the RI Free Radio crew. My real concern is for that man’s family. I hope one of the demonologists at this event notices the state of affairs around that car and takes the proper steps.
11 am My mood revives with the arrival at our booth of two Lasik Girls. Cute, eager, intellectual. By the time they finish their pitch to restore our 20/20 vision, and the second one has discussed the conditions and problems threatening our world and their solutions, we have also been visited by robed cultists, a fanged leather-clad female vampire, Michael Myers, and Santa Claus. We give out CD’s, buttons, and stickers. I convince our Dj Psycho Eddie, a large man in prison garb and face-paint, to stop asking little kids if they want candy because it’s creeping me out. Ask the parents about the candy, I tell him. Give promo stickers to the kids to stick on mommy’s car. We try to talk somebody into slapping a RI Free Radio sticker on Christine’s back bumper, but nobody’s brave enough.
Sunday, 1 pm The day goes on. The pile of internet radio station merch in front of us goes down. We meet several possible recruits to our RI Free Radio Family. We teach you the internet radio ropes for free, we tell them, you won’t owe us any gigantic student loan amounts when you’ve finished learning. This is true. We take the commitments we make seriously. Less seriously do we take the inflatable T-rexes bopping down the aisle, or the Crypt Keeper’s voice screeching over the announcement intercom.
3 pm I have a problem of my own: for every single dollar in my pocket, there’s a Ben Franklin worth of stuff I want to leave with. Posters and Godzilla action figures, autographed books and signed pics, a set of erotic female monster stickers that stick to anything. That Freddy Krueger pinball machine (maybe I’ll talk to Tony about going halfsies on that)... Lasik eye surgery. Christine.
5 pm I settle for the erotic female monster stickers that stick to anything. For the rest, there’s next year.
(Host of The Haunted Cabaret)
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